Living with Liver Failure

This is how I live now. If I can get up and cycle, I do. It still does for me everything it always has. It has become my faith in life. If I can cycle then I believe anything and everything is possible. The morning of these images, I got up after two days in bed, one of them I was pinned down and in pain for hours as my liver tried to balance and perform all its more than 500 functions. I live knowing that I can black out from a drop in electrolytes or from sudden rupture of varices deep in my esophagus or my portal vein could burst. My platelet count is so low, I wouldn’t last long, electrolites and blood would spill. Its a huge load to carry around in my head. Its no wonder, cancer seems a smaller issue but the encapsulated tumor I have went from not growing at all the first year to becoming huge the second year. It was a remarkable jump in size. It now depletes me of a lot of energy. But its remarkable how strong my body and spirit still are. I can still exercise extremely hard most weeks 4 to 7 hours. I’d rather give in and rest than perform moderate exercise but at times I can fall ill enough that I am grateful to walk the dog or if I cannot hold her leash at least I can amble along with my beach cane. I try not to worry. Its non productive work. It can incite fear as well as anger. We all live one moment at a time. The only things that can eat at me are ascites and the painful symptoms of it which hold me down in bed not moving. Not moving is the hardest thing I surrender to. It pisses me off and then I go against my love for people and life. Its hard to get out from under the depression lack of hard exercise instills in my core being. Its suffocating. I cycled hard yesterday. I even took the dog out on the beach cruiser I run her with. I was lucky this morning and got my food shopping finished so now I rest. I have chores later and I got to at least hoop dance this afternoon at sunset. There’s a lot of living in one day…7/15/16

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2 thoughts on “Living with Liver Failure

    1. Ruby, you are precious, you just made me and my day stronger and more rewarding. Lets fight on togther. Sounds like we are sisters in this battle to live. Happiness does not just appear, its earned, we must work for it, its life lessons that grant us the truest meaning of happiness. Aloha friend.

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